Was I?

I wonder if i ever really loved him. Was he just an excuse not to move back in with my mom after I got out of the military. Was he just a fuck buddy with a title? Who knows and at this point in time who cares any more. All I am happier now. Which begs another question was I happy then too? Was I happy? Was I ever truely happy? All I know is I am happy and that's all that matters. It's hard to explain when you begin to question the past in order to make sense of the present. I spent 8 years trying to be something and someone I wasn't. I pretended to be this "normal" person. I spent lots of time just trying to hold it all in. Never really knowing the real me only what I thought I was supposed to be. Well that person is no more. I know who I am now and that's all that matters honestly. It's funny how you break away from it just to really discover what you are truly made of. It's only then that you realize just how strong you really are. You turn the things that once made you weak and powerless into things that you learn from.

Ah the joys of being a lesbian

Here lately I have started realizing more and more just how great it is to be a lesbian. For instance I don't ever have to worry about my partner suffering from erectile dysfunction or have to worry about accidentally getting pregnant unless we want to be. I love being with my partner and I am much happier being gay then I ever did being straight. Who knows may this is how I was always meant to be.

In retrospect

Well on Tuesday Shutterbug and I will celebrate 2 years of being together. It's funny how it doesn't feel like it's only been 2 years. I guess it just feels longer considering all the crap we have been through together. Two years ago I was a broken woman who didn't know who she was and didn't know she fit in this world. Shutterbug was trying to fix the pieces of her broken heart. Together we found something in each other. It happened to be what we needed. We are a perfect combination of silly and serious, laughter and pain, joy and sorrow. But no matter what we have been through we always come out stronger and closer then ever before. Every time I look at her I fall more and more in love with her. She is my rock when I feel like I am drifting at sea. I look at her now and I think to myself, god I am so lucky to have her in my life. Happy 2 yr anniversary honey! I love you very very much and I am so glad to have you as my partner.

WTF?!!! why does this always happen

Why do people suddenly feel the need to confess that they had a crush on you, wanted to go out with you or in love with you when you are already in a relationship. I mean I can understand it's a safety thing cuz there is nothing you can do about it. But damn!!! I was seeing this girl back when I lived in KS we broke it off cuz her husband at the time was a major dick! Then she adds me back to her facebook page and she tells me she was in love with me back then but she didn't tell me cuz after what RJ put me through emotionally I swore off falling in love with another woman. So that she wouldn't feel rejected she didn't tell me. Now it's been almost 4 yrs later and she told me this last night. Sleep was so not an option last night. I told her that we both have people that love us and I am so in love with Shutterbug that no one can change that no even some chick that I broke it off with 4 yrs ago. Okay I feel better now

Finding love second time around

You know it's funny how I spent a decade with someone who never made me feel like an equal in their life. He always had to feel superior but now I have someone who treats me like an equal in every way. She makes me feel so wonderful and loved. She is someone who I can consider my partner. She is just so much fun to have in my life. I can be silly with her and it's ok. She encourages me to be myself and loves who I am. I wish I could be with her at night but I am looking forward to my life with her. It's funny how you find the love of your life the second time around after you get a divorce. I am thankful every day for this woman! I love you Shutterbug!!!