Xmas and other musings

Ok for the first time in a long time i have felt the xmas spirit now i am ready for some peace and quiet. Shutterbug will be here to spend new years with me. I love my neice but damn her mother does not teach her manners. She smacks when she eats and i always got fussed at for it when i was a kid. Damn. Oh and then the kicker my sister seems to think i am mad because she can have kids and i can't WTF sorry i am not envious in any way shape or form that she has a kid. im happy i don't have them see previous post. Xmas was fun but i want to just enjoy my vacation that starts this coming up tuesday after i get out of work!! im so ready for some time off to just chill with my girl and just relax. Since my sister has been here i have been very on edge. we have always had a tense relationship and some how i think it's best we really don't have much of one. the woman stayed drunk almost the entire time she was here. and i am the one that got called up tight cuz i don't feel the need to drink alcomahol to relax sorry there is much better and cheaper ways to do that. and much healther ways too. my god i saw this woman eat 2 heaping plate fulls of food every time she sat down to eat dinner. its sad really how she just let herself go.

Glad im not a mom

Here lately I have seen lots of people i know preggers and now have kids. A few whine because they can't have them. Im not one of them! I'm glad i can't have children. I can come and go as i please. no need to find a babysitter not diaper bags to pack no bottles to clean. No getting up at 3 am to feed or change a crying baby. I say don't whine or get all depressed cuz you can't have them be happy that you can't. You can live your life and do what ever you want to. enjoy the life you have with out children

Letting go

Well I have decided that it's time to let go the emotional baggage. This weekend my wonderful witchie friend is gonna help me in the healing process. It's time to let him go and move forward with my life with shutterbug. I have to stop thinking about the past and think about the here and now. I have to stop worrying about losing Shutterbug again. No one can tell us not to be together any more like he tried to do. She makes me so happy and I couldn't ask for a better partner. I have to stop thinking about the time I almost lost her because of his ass. Now I have her in my life and I am not letting her go.

Finding my way

Well here I am in my brand new life in Texas. Man it's so nice to finally feel at peace. I miss Shutterbug like crazy! I did get to see her over this past weekend omg that was the best. She has been so wonderful! She even helped me move here. I wouldn't have it any other way. My parents absolutely love her. We exchanged promise rings this past weekend as well. She makes me so happy. I'm glad to be out of that shitastic situation. It's funny I will worry about him ever once in a while but then I think what for it's not my problem any more. He actually wanted to talk last week. I think he is starting to realize what he lost. LMAO!!!! sucks to be him! I am loving life and I am grateful for those in it. Shutterbug and I are doing better then ever. We have such a strong connection and i am loving what i have with her.

As one chapter ends the first page of the next one begins

As of August 13th I am going to be moving to Texas to live with my dad temporarily. It's just till I can get back on my feet. As some of you already know I am getting a divorce from my husband. I wanted to try to stay around here but I have to have 3 things but aren't readily available, a place of my own, a full time job and a car. Sadly I would have to find those 3 things before the lease is up in the apartment but that's just not possible right now. Granted it sucks that I would have to be away from Shutterbug for a little while but this is something I have to do for me. So wish me luck as I start on this new chapter of my life

The Life Giver

She feeds me poetry
I sing her lullabies
She breathes life into this burnt out soul
I give her comfort and love
She has no idea just how much she means to me
Oh she is my life giver
Just when I was veering on the edge of sadness she brought me flowers of joy
Oh my lady oh my tender sweet lover
Oh how this fire in my soul burns for you
When others turned their backs on me it is she who stayed
She took my hand and we soared to our castle in the sky
Thank you my love for bringing me out of the dark
Thank you for loving me the way you do

can you say awkward

Did you ever go some where and realize that no one wants you there and everyone is just making looking at you why are you even here. The only one that wants you there is the host. Well I felt that today. I got invited to a 4th of July party and my ex-husband was there too. it just felt like everyone was on his side and didn't give a damn about me. oh well that just means they weren't really my friends any way. FUCK THEM!!! What the hell do they want me to do. I never really fit in there any way.

save the drama for your mama

So Shutterbug emailed Extremes about what was said and it sounds to me like Extremes is forcing her opinion on Shutterbug. Recently Shutterbug came out to her mom. I'm proud of her for admitting what she had hidden for so long. Coming out is never easy for anyone. For the longest time Extremes would tell Shutterbug just to come out and move in with me. But what Extremes doesn't realize is that not everyone thinks the way she does. Shutterbug and I have a plan that we are gonna stick to. Shutterbug doesn't wanna come to the table with debt and Extremes enjoys in being an immature flake. Sorry but i would rather have a plan and stick to it then just go off willy nilly. well that's all i got for today have a wonderful day

That's it im done

I know i am anal about being on time but damn how much can one person take. Extremes was late again 15mins to be exact. so i just left I'm tired of waiting on her just to show up when ever and not say sorry running late. I'm so done with her flaking out on me. I told her I waited for 15mins and I left I'm tired and sore I can't be friends with someone who doesn't understand the concept of time.

I spent a week away from you last night

God I miss her! Every night without her aches. The distance is what kills me the most. But we will make it through. No one will ever have to tell me I can't be with her. Extremes told me that she was using me I think she is full of shit. There is no way that my wonderful girlfriend is using me. Extremes for so long has been our cheerleader saying that we need to be together and now she says this what the hell?

Life right now

So here is the skinny on my life right now. I am in the process of divorcing my husband of 10 years. We both realized that we don't have a damn thing in common. The people that were supposed to be my friends have turned their backs on me. I hate it when people use the term best friend so lightly and then they turn on you. And people that are supposed to be adults wanna play the high school game. The hubby and I signed an agreement that the bonds of fidelity no longer hold us. So I am free to date my girlfriend. Granted I am still living in the same apartment as him but he is being nice about all this and letting me stay till I have some money saved up. Granted right now life is pretty shitty but there are still a few people I can count on. My dad is being very supportive and Shutterbug has been there for me through all this shit. Immortal has been there too but she has some drama of her own that she has had to deal with. I have a job that I love doing. It's nice to be back to work again. I am still working out I have lost a grand total of 43lbs since Sept of 2007 went from a size 20 to a size 12 yay me well that's all for now